


Secrets

by TeaRoses



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-04
Updated: 2010-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRoses/pseuds/TeaRoses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seras Victoria finds out some of Walter's secrets, and completely changes the way she looks at him.  Gonzoverse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Dreams Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the themes "The Audience" and "First-Timers" at 30_lemons on LiveJournal. Thank you to dasaod for beta reading.

Seras had never asked for mental powers and sometimes she wasn't sure she wanted them. But Alucard wanted to teach her to master the ability to see into the mind of others, and she knew she would have to do her best. He had warned her that she wasn't ready to fight vampires mentally but said that she could practice her talent on humans.

"That doesn't seem right," she had said. "Reading people's minds without their permission."

Alucard had only laughed. "Who cares about the petty thoughts of humans in any case?"

Seras had reluctantly nodded and decided that though her powers might be weak she would be careful how she used them. But her master had told her to practice, so it couldn't be helped.

A few nights later she was passing Walter's bedroom, and she could easily tell with her extra senses that he was inside. She decided that she would try for a moment to see into his mind. Perhaps she would get a glimpse of the book he was reading, or some dream he was having if he was asleep. She began to reach out with her mind the way Alucard had instructed her.

Suddenly it was as if she were in Walter's body, feeling the sensations he was feeling and seeing and thinking his thoughts along with him. He was lying in bed, but he wasn't asleep; he was having some sort of daydream. The visual aspect of it was blurred, but it was clear to Seras that he was imagining that he was kissing someone.

She was embarrassed now; she had never meant to intrude on such a private moment. Seras knew that breaking contact immediately would have been the proper thing to do. But when Walter pulled back from his daydream kiss to look at his companion, she saw her own face. Walter was fantasizing about her.

This was such a shock that she didn't know what to do. For a moment she wondered how he dared to do this, then reflected that really it was his mind and he could do what he liked with it. It wasn't as if he were really treating her with disrespect. None of this was real. In fact, she told herself, she was the interloper here and should leave. In the end she felt too curious, and she stayed in his mind as his fantasy continued. He was saying sweet words into the ear of his imaginary Seras now, calling her a beautiful woman and telling her that he cared for her.

Seras couldn't for a moment imagine Walter really saying those things to her. But she was completely fascinated now. She asked herself how far Walter would take this. The answer became apparent when his dream self began unbuttoning the blouse of dream Seras. She watched enthralled as he removed her clothes and visualized her naked body. At least Walter had not been spying on her, she told herself. It was not an accurate picture of her naked form. But he didn't picture her body as flawless or exaggerated either. She really did look rather like herself, as this portrayal of her smiled and began removing the clothing of dream Walter.

Walter didn't picture his own body, just his hands and the sensation of running them over her skin. Seras was beyond being ashamed of herself for eavesdropping now. She was only grateful that he would never know that she was here watching all this unfold.

In the dream, nude Seras was straddling Walter. She could feel his excitement as he dreamed of her caressing his chest and then descending on his erection, taking him up inside her. Then suddenly she felt a more direct physical feeling. Walter, in reality, was touching himself.

She knew she should feel at least a little repulsed by this, but she was feeling all the physical sensation, albeit from a male point of view, and it was all intriguing and frankly sexy. Leaving was impossible now; she stood there watching the visualization of herself moving on top of Walter, his hands caressing her breasts. Meanwhile she felt everything his real hand was doing, and though she didn't have that organ on her body she felt herself becoming as excited as he must have been.

Walter's actions increased as he tried to bring himself release. He rubbed his foreskin over his tip, and Seras began to shudder from the intense feeling. Finally she saw her imaginary self laughing as Walter imagined her orgasm. At the same time, in reality, he came. She felt it as strongly as if she had been touching herself, and let herself enjoy the feeling.

She then stood for a moment, simply breathing as Walter's daydream dissipated and his body calmed. Remembering where she was, she started walking away. Her mind was completely confused as she tried to think about what had just happened.

She had never thought of Walter as a lover, to herself or to anyone, but now she couldn't help it. Even in the daydream he had been gentle and respectful. He could have made the unreal her look or act like anything, but he had only made love to her with happiness for both of them. She knew that someone else might feel disgusted that a man, especially a man Walter's age, was making himself come while thinking of having sex with her. But that wasn't the way she felt about it now. She felt curiosity and arousal.

And she also felt a certain sadness, knowing that neither of them would ever make a dream like that real. There was no way she could tell Walter that she knew his secret, and just because he had fantasies about her didn't mean that he wanted to be with her in reality. But the experience had been both sensual and emotional to her, and she didn't want to let go of the feelings it gave her. In the end she walked away and went to her bedroom and to dreams of her own.


	2. More Secrets

A few days passed, and Seras found that she was still thinking about Walter and his fantasy about her. As much as she regretted spying on him, discovering that he had sexual thoughts about her had caused her to become somewhat fascinated with him. She told herself that perhaps he had fantasies about many women, but she still found herself wanting to be closer to him and to know more about him. But it still seemed to her that there was no way to make something happen between them in reality. She was a vampire, and so much younger than he was. And they still didn't know each other well. Perhaps she was just another stimulating image to him. But even in the daydream he had been sweet and caring, just as he was to her in real life.

One evening when he came to replenish her blood supply, she looked up and asked, "Walter, do you have a girlfriend?"

Walter was surprised at the question. Why did she want to know? And what would he tell her? He hardly wanted to get into a discussion of this topic with her.

"No, Miss Seras, I do not have a girlfriend. At my age I have other priorities. Do you need anything else?"

"Oh..." she replied. "But, you must have had girlfriends in the past. People are always telling me how handsome you were when you were young."

Realizing what she had said, she hastened to cover up her mistake. "I mean, not that you're not very handsome now!"

She cursed inwardly, knowing that she was making a hash of this. "I do think he's handsome," she thought to herself, "but now he'll never believe it."

Walter sat down in a chair. Surely she wasn't going to demand the whole story about his lack of a love life? Few people knew it. But if he had to, he would tell her. She was one of the few people who probably deserved to know. And if he didn't, she might go asking Alucard or Integral. It was better that she heard it from him.

"I've never had a real girlfriend, to speak of, Miss Seras," he said.

"Oh. But you do... like women?" She asked it in a questioning tone, though she was sure of the answer.

"Yes, I do like women."

"Then why have you never..."

"Miss Seras, how much do you know about the seal that binds you and Alucard to Hellsing?"

"Only a little. Integral gives some of her blood from time to time, and it makes certain we don't hurt anyone on our side, even if we need to feed."

"Correct. The seal does contain some of the blood of a Hellsing, the head of the family, and it is renewed periodically. But there is more. The seal also requires virgin blood to make it work."

"Oh, but Sir Integral..." Seras trailed off. That was none of her business either.

Walter nodded. "Yes, Sir Integral can use her own blood for the virgin blood. But obviously, her father and grandfather couldn't use their own blood."

"Well, no, but there must have been someone..."

"Even within Hellsing, the workings of the seal are kept quite secret. They need to have someone they can trust, both to tell the truth about their virginity and to keep silent about what is going on."

The penny dropped, and Seras's eyes widened. "So... you... but..."

"Sir Hellsing's grandfather asked me for blood for the seal when I was barely a teenager, and I didn't see any harm in giving it to him. I had no plans to lose my virginity at that age. But after I did it, he told me that if I lost my virginity before the next renewal it would break the seal and Alucard would be free. I'm sure now that that wasn't true, though whether he believed it or he was lying to me I'm not certain. But I still didn't mind, because I thought surely they would find someone else to give blood for future renewals, and then I could do what I liked. But they didn't; they kept asking me each time."

"Surely you objected!"

"I objected quite strongly, but Hellsing was a very close-knit group in those days, and even I couldn't think of anyone else who could give blood to them. And I was still young. I thought I had forever to solve this problem."

Walter sighed a little at this point in his narrative. It did seem strange, when he looked back on it, that he had agreed to this. But at the time he was still reacting to the thrill of knowing that vampires were real and that he could kill them. Even to a young man, sex was pushed to the background.

"And if you had simply gone out and had sex anyway?" Seras asked.

"At the time I had no doubt that the if I did that Alucard would immediately run rampant. Possibly killing even me, and who knows how many other people. It wasn't worth it. I was very loyal to Hellsing, in those days as now. And I had developed something of a religious bent, so not losing my virginity seemed like it would be the moral thing to do as well. So I simply kept going on with the renewals, thinking someday I would be freed and able to marry or... whatever else I might choose to do."

"But Walter, you're seventy years old!" said Seras in an almost reproachful tone.

"By the time Integral's father had taken over the organization, I was a great deal more concerned. But he also insisted I keep using my blood for the seal, and I complied. I had nowhere else to go, you see. There isn't much of a demand for killing the undead with wires outside this organization, and my weapons skills are mostly useful for making guns that humans can't handle."

"What if you had just refused to renew the seal?"

"If they couldn't find someone, which was possible, the seal would be broken. By then I'd been Alucard's comrade for years, and I was fairly certain he wouldn't kill me. But I could put everyone else in danger by losing my virginity or refusing to renew the seal, even when he was locked in the basement. Alucard has had some resentment toward the Hellsing family, obviously," said Walter.

"Well I imagine you do too!" said Seras indignantly.

"I have some. But the Hellsings were very good to me in other ways, giving me a home and allowing me to be a Royal Protestant Knight. And when I grew older and slower I was allowed to stay on as a butler, and do research and weapons work. I felt a duty to stay here, to protect them from their enemies and to protect all of England from vampires."

He said to himself that she must think him a very foolish man not to have insisted on being free. But it had seemed like the only possibility at the time.

"And you never even dated?" asked Seras in a disbelieving tone.

"I did occasionally. And I've kissed various women. But I never took things too far, because no one was certain where the line of virginity was drawn."

"What they did to you was horrible!"

"In some ways I suppose it was, " he replied. "But in my private time I'm a rather quiet and retiring person. I read, and I watch old films, and try not to dwell too much on being alone."

"But now Sir Integral could use her own blood, couldn't she?"

"She could, and she does. When she looked at the records and found out what her father and grandfather had done she was very angry on my behalf, and told me there was no truth to the idea that the seal could be broken by me between renewals. And at the next renewal she gave her own blood."

"But why didn't you... find someone to be with... then?" asked Seras hesitantly.

"I was an old man by then, and it just didn't seem worth it. I didn't want to start a relationship, and as for something... casual, there were new diseases about and I needed to be careful. It's too late for me. I don't think about sex very much."

"But you have fantasies," Seras blurted out. "I know, because you had one about me."

She covered her mouth. How stupid could she be? He would be furious now, and it was all her fault.

He did look at her angrily for a moment, but then he shrugged. "Mind-reading. I'm surprised I didn't detect it. And I'm also surprised you did it, but I suppose it should be me apologizing to you, for the content of my daydream."

"So that was the only one you had about me?" she asked.

"No." he answered honestly. "And I'm sure that disturbs you. But believe me, I have no intention of trying to act out my fantasies with you in reality. You can trust me to behave respectfully at all times."

"I do trust you. But I didn't find your fantasy disturbing."

"You didn't?" he asked.

"No, in fact, I found it arousing," said Seras.

She smiled at him. Then she gathered her nerve for her next statement.

"I wouldn't mind if you did want to... well, I wouldn't mind."

Walter was stunned. It was impossible, that someone would consider him in that way after all these years. And even if she really were attracted to him, she was so young. A young vampire, though he didn't dwell on that. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"This is an extremely tempting situation. But honestly, Miss Seras, it would be wrong for any number of reasons. My age, your age, our positions at Hellsing... it's completely impossible. What if Sir Integra were to find out?"

"Well I would hope she'd be happy for you, after what her family did to you," said Seras.

"You know better than that," said Walter gently. "There would be trouble. With Alucard too, possibly, since you're like a child to him in some ways. If things were very different... well, they aren't, so there's no use discussing it. I'm extremely sorry, Miss Seras."

Seras looked sad as he turned and left the room, and he felt highly disturbed. She wasn't the first woman he had turned down, but she was the only one to make an offer he was free to accept. He did feel sorry, for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

The next night at ten o'clock Seras was staring disconsolately at the blood bags on her table. Walter didn't even need to come replenish them. She wondered if she could make some other excuse to see him, but she wasn't even sure what she would say if she did.

There was a knock at the door. When Seras went to open it, it was Walter. Both relieved and nervous, she invited him in.

He took a deep breath. "I need to know something. Did you really mean what you said yesterday, that you wouldn't mind?"

She nodded, then added, "Of course I did."

"Why?" he asked. "Sympathy for my situation?"

"No," she replied. "I felt that way before you told me also. You're a very nice and caring man, and I would like to be with you."

Walter was speechless. Slowly, he held out his hand. She walked to him and took his hand in hers.

"Don't think about consequences right now," she said. "Don't think about whether other people would approve, or whether it's appropriate. This is just for us, our place alone.

Do you understand?"

Walter nodded, then touched her face gently and bent to kiss her. She was warm, and her lips were soft, and he was quite ready to damn the rest of the world to have this chance.

Seras slipped the tip of her tongue into his mouth and suddenly they were kissing passionately. Walter ran his hands down her back. He was becoming aroused, and he wondered if that would bother her, but she pressed her body against his and he stopped  
worrying.

She untied his hair and buried her hands in it, still kissing him. Then she reluctantly broke the kiss and went to sit on the bed. Reaching for her boots, she took them off in a slow and sensual manner. He wanted very badly to run to her, but he had to be fair to her.

"We don't have to... do anything else, right away, if you don't want to," said Walter.

Seras blushed. "You're quite a gentleman. But do you really want to wait longer, after all this time?"

"No," he admitted.

He kicked off his own shoes and went to join her, and they lay together, continuing to kiss. She stroked his chest through his shirt and he unbuttoned it for her, then took it off. Seras was excited and nervous, but she didn't mind at all that he didn't look like a young man. She knew him, and to her he was attractive.

"I've never done this either, you know. But I'm sure I want this," she said.

She began stroking his bare chest, then unbuttoned her own blouse. Walter watched as she discarded her blouse and bra, then reached to hold her close to him, feeling her smooth skin on his, her lovely breasts against his chest. He pulled away for a moment to touch and explore her breasts and nipples, then held her again as she kissed him deeply and  
stroked his back. This was wonderful, not only for being new but simply for being so pleasurable. The fact that this time he did not have to stop was extremely exciting to him.

He did not want to rush, but he ran a hand up under Seras's skirt and began stroking her through her knickers. She removed both garments, and murmured to him not to be afraid to touch her. He began to run his hand through her moist curls. Meanwhile she stroked his erection through his trousers, almost making him groan.

He hoped he was pleasing her, and when she closed her eyes and arched her back he was more certain of it. Slowly, gently, he stroked her folds, then put his finger slightly inside her. Walter had never felt a woman in this way before. He reached with his other hand to stroke her belly as his finger penetrated her further and she made a small sound of pleasure.

He pushed another finger inside her now, feeling almost overwhelmed that she wanted him to do this, that she was so wet because of him.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asked.

"No," she replied, parting her thighs further for him.

He continued moving his fingers inside her, kneeling between her legs, watching her face respond to what he was doing. Then she opened her eyes, and touched his shoulders, gesturing for him to lie on top of her. He took off his trousers and shorts and complied.

"Just a moment," she said, and reached for a pillow to put under her hips.

She fondled his erection again, then guided him to her entrance. He began to enter her, slowly, looking down into her eyes.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Please don't stop."

He slid into her then, and moaned softly. She was hot and tight around him and he knew now why people considered sex so important. Seras was licking his shoulder. He wasn't worried that she would bite him, but he would probably have enjoyed it if she did.

Seras was experiencing new feelings as well. She hadn't felt any real pain, and she was becoming very aroused. Kissing him deeply, she began to move her hips slightly.

This was almost too much for Walter. He began to thrust, tentatively at first, then harder when she asked him in a breathless voice for more. But he soon realized he couldn't keep going for long; the feeling was too good.

"I can't hold back," he said.

Seras murmured to him to let go, that it was all right. He gave one more thrust and spent himself inside her, shuddering with his release. He lay for a moment, calming down, still looking at her face. He moved onto his side then, still a bit overwhelmed. She touched his cheek.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"I feel excellent," he replied. "But you didn't reach your climax yet."

He reached between her legs, fondling her clit, and murmured, "Teach me to touch you."

She put her hand over his and showed him how she liked to be rubbed and stroked. Soon he needed no further instruction. He was pressing firmly on her clit and moving his fingers rapidly. Seras loved this feeling, and his consideration for her pleasure. Taking a breath of air she didn't need, she closed her eyes again and simply enjoyed this. She felt her climax approach, and murmured his name as the feeling overtook her.

He put his arm around her shoulders then and she lay with her head on his chest.

"May I stay a while?" he asked. "I know this is your daytime..."

"Stay. Please stay. I'm feeling very good but I'm also very sleepy after all this. I'd like you to be here when I wake up."

He gathered her close to him.

"I know I'm not supposed to say this, but thank you. For everything," he said.

She kissed his cheek in response. "I probably know what you're thinking. Without reading your mind, I mean."

He smiled. "And what is that?"

"You're thinking that you wish you had all those years back, to be doing this in," she said.

He shook his head. "No, I'm thinking that you were worth waiting for."

She felt touched, and could not reply. She lay for a moment, listening to his breathing, feeling his warmth. This really was their own world, where it didn't matter that he was older or even that she was undead.

He spoke again. "It's not every man who has his fantasies come true."

She kissed him, and he watched her as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.


End file.
